Offenses Leads to Bitterness and Un-forgiveness

Definition of OFFENSE: 1. An act of stumbling, a cause or occasion of sin, stumbling block. 2. Something that outrages the moral or physical senses. 3. The act of attacking, assault. 4 The act of displeasing or insulting, the state of being insulted or morally outraged, takes offense at the slightest criticism. 5 breach of a moral or social code, sin, and misdeed

Matthew 18:7 Woe to the world because of offenses! For offenses must come, but woe to that man by whom the offense comes!  Matthew 18:7 How terrible for the people of the world because of the things that cause them to sin. Such things will happen, but how terrible for the one who causes them to happen!)

As I observe people, I have realized how so many are hurt due to offenses.  You can see the different stages of hurt that has manifested on their faces, demeanor, and actions. An offense almost always results in rejection.  We take offense because we believe what man says or does to us despite the fact that God is very clear on who we should trust. Psalm 7:1 O LORD my God, in You I put my trust; Save me from all those who persecute me; And deliver me.  Psalm 56:11 In God I have put my trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?  Man cannot do anything to you unless you open the door for him to do so.  Man offends by criticism, judging, accusations (charges against you) blame, slander, backbiting, gossip, etc.

How do we open the door to torment and destruction when we are offended or when we offend?  Before we go any further, I want to give you a list that is a result of offenses and I want to ask you to meditate on these and tell me which one is the strongman.  This strongman will allow the rest to manifest and is the general over the rest.

Bitterness…Unforgiveness…Resentment...Retaliation…Anger/Wrath…Hatred…Violence…Murder

If you picked Murder, you are incorrect.  Murder is the end result.  We have to identify the one in control once we opened the door due to the offense.  Bitterness is the strongman.  Bitterness initiates the process that can ultimately result in murder or will leave you in bondage somewhere in between Bitterness and Murder.

Bitterness - Hebrews 12:15 Looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled.   Bitterness corrodes like acid, eating away at our soul.  It poisons the mind first and then the body.  It is often marked by cynicism and animosity toward others.  Bitterness is a strong man kept in place by several underlings.  Each underling is given entry into our lives by the one preceding it.  The severity of the evilness of each underling gets progressively worse.  Bitterness is a strongman and he seeks a place to live.  You are the palace and he wants to be in your house.  Once you let him in, he will bring others to torment you.  He is the general and he has an army that he will try bring in and destroy you.

Un-forgiveness - Something has been done to you and there is a spirit assigned to you.  What is the first thing that comes to you when someone wrongs you?  Un-forgiveness.  Bitterness is the strongman and the first armor he trusts in is Un-forgiveness.  Un-forgiveness is now part of your life and your will not have forgiveness if you give a place and habitation for Un-forgiveness.

What Bitterness is banking on is you remembering a record of wrongs.  He is banking on the spirit of Un-forgiveness reminding you of Bitterness someone has against you.  The task of Un-forgiveness is to remind you, rehash it, bring it up, project it, and torment you with it.  Un-forgiveness will replay the words, the voices, the sights, the sounds, the actions and memories.  Un-forgiveness will flash at you everything others have ever said or done to you over and over again to reinforce itself so the strongman of Bitterness can stay.

Resentment – The strongman now sends out another spirit to reinforce Un-forgiveness.  Resentment stands on the foundation of Un-forgiveness.  The record of wrongs is now fermenting and Resentment fuels the fermentation of Un-forgiveness.

Resentment defiles you by saying “You know what?  I really don’t like you.  I resent you. I’m never going to forgive you.”  Bitterness is trusting the spirit of Un-forgiveness to stay with you and add fuel to the fire. He is trusting that Resentment will get a foothold for more torment and control. 

Retaliation – “I’m going to get even.  You’re going to pay.”  I remember what you did to me and you better watch your back.”  The spirit of Retaliation is much more dangerous than Un-forgiveness and Resentment.  After Resentment has started to simmer, we find ways to get back at the person who caused it.  We do this in many ways and one of the most common is slandering the person.  You will express your criticism to anyone who will listen.  You want to be heard and you want someone to agree with you and when they don’t, you go to the next person.

Anger and Wrath – After Retaliation gets a foot hold, anger starts to set in.  Un-forgiveness, Resentment and Retaliation have been building and now a strong feeling of anger comes along.  Un-forgiveness and Resentment can be hidden skillfully by someone who is deceptive.  Retaliation can be hidden, but Anger starts to show physically.  Family, friends, coworkers, see this manifestation of anger in your face and demeanor.  It is a very uncomfortable for people to coexist with a person with anger and wrath.

Anger and Wrath never occur unless these three, Un-forgiveness, Resentment and Retaliation have been festering for some time.  You get angry for a reason.  The reason is because of the breach, because of the hurt, because of the victimization, and they think their anger is justified.

Retaliation may seem worse than Anger, but this is the fermenting stage.  Retaliation sets the stage to eliminate, but you will not eliminate anyone unless you have Anger and Wrath working within the spiritual dynamics of this principality and the spirits that create and answer to it.

We are dealing with Anger coming out of a relationship.  This is the Anger and Wrath tied to Bitterness.  This is a progression of spiritual dynamics producing the elimination of a person in a relationship.  It is the root behind all people who murdered someone and are in prison.  It is the root behind all family splits, behind all division, and behind all break up of human relationships.

Hatred – After Anger and Wrath has gained their foothold, Hatred comes.  Hatred not only has the root of Bitterness, but is being fueled by all of the previous.  Now begins the stage of elimination. 

Hatred says this: “I exist on the planet and you do too, and one of us has to go and it will not be me.  I hate you; I can’t stand you.  I resent you, I am going to get even because you don’t belong on this planet.”  Hatred involves the elimination of the other person.  Retaliation was the fermenting stage of this.  Anger started to vocalize it and now Hatred comes to help execute it.

Bitterness is banking on the fact when you are ready to forgive, ole Un-forgiveness will pull up a flash card of memories reminding you of what they did to you.

Violence – You can see violence every day in families and the news is a constant reminder how bad it is getting.  This is the progression of breakup of human relationships out of Bitterness.  Bitterness is behind all domestic violence and all juvenile violence.

Violence is what puts people in jail and this is why we have a police force.  Violence is Anger and Hatred in motion because it is not just emotional and spiritual anymore, it has now become physical.

At this level, people will hate you so much; they will want to punch your lights out physically or verbally.  Bitterness is banking on the fact that this progression in your life is going to keep him in place and these spirits are able to generate their nature in you and also in others to fuel this thing back and forth.

Murder – The seventh and final spirit that competes the full plan of the devil for destruction originating from the strongman of Bitterness (Hebrews 12:15 looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled) is the spirit of Murder.

This can actually be physical murder, or murder with the tongue, which is character assassination.  When hatred, violence and murder are in someone’s life, they feel they are justified and everybody else is going to pay the price.  Have you been a victim of this?  Did you feel defiled?  Have you victimized someone else on this basis?

Beware – If any one of these seven spirits answering to bitterness exists, all of the preceding spirits will be there.  If left unchecked, all the rest will surely come.  For example, if you see Hatred in a person, Un-forgiveness, Resentment, Retaliation and Anger always precedes Hatred.  Each of the seven is progressively worse than the one just preceding it.  You are a target of the strongman of Bitterness and you don’t want him to set up his throne within your life.

Resolution – In order to defeat the strongman of Bitterness, you need to understand how his armor works.  You have to understand the Bitterness armor in your life so that Bitterness can be dealt with and you can be set free.  If you have been offended by someone or you have offended someone, the breach needs to be repaired with that person if at all possible.  If it is not possible, you can still be free by the power of God through Jesus Christ whether there is any resolution with that person who created the breach or not.

We are going to get offended as we go through life.   The key is don’t hold the offense captive (…. bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ 2 Corinthians 10:5).  When someone says or does something that makes you feel a “ping of hurt,” recognize that “ping of hurt” as an offense.  This is especially important for people who have a long history of rejection in their lives.  They tend to take anything that someone says as rejection and therefore, is an offense to them.  Immediately renounce the words or actions that caused the “ping of hurt” in the Name of Jesus.  Below is the prayer and authority that we use when an offense comes.

Forgive me Father for taking offence.  I renounce this offense.  I repent for believing in this offense and in the name of Jesus Christ I cast out this offense (Mark 16:17 And these signs will follow those who believe: In My name they will cast out demons). I choose to believe what You say about me and not the offender.

Guard you heart against offenses because in doing so, you protect yourself against the downward spiral of torment that Bitterness brings to you and all people that are around you. Don’t claim the words or actions of the offense, but instead claim what God has to say about you.  I praise you because you made me in an amazing and wonderful way. What you have done is wonderful. I know this very well. Psalm 139:14. 

Forgive those who offend you and understand that it is the sin working in them. 

If man offends me, I choose to forgive him. Yes, if you forgive others for their sins, your Father in heaven will also forgive you for your sins Matthew 6:14.

Blessings, Tony Sanchez

Parental Rejection

Parental Rejection 1. withholding of affection from or denial of attention to one's child. That being said, nine out of ten people have either been on the receiving end or the giving end or both.

Every child has a fundamental right and need for an unthreatened and loving (not anger or wrath) relationship with both parents. To be denied that right by a parent by abusing, neglecting and abandoning children, is child abuse. It is the child who is being violated by a parent's alienating behaviors. They did not ask or choose this abuse for themselves.  The actions of the rejecting parent are not Godly. 

When a parent chooses not to be active or is absent in a child’s life, young or old, great damage is done. Children are left to feel unworthy, unloved, rejected, and worthless due to the lack of self-esteem that comes along with being rejected by a parent.

For the child, parental alienation is a serious mental condition. The severe effects of parental alienation on children are well-documented—low self-esteem, self-hatred, lack of trust, depression, substance abuse, anger, and addictions are widespread, as children lose the capacity to give and accept love from a parent. Self-hatred is particularly disturbing among affected children, as children internalize the hatred targeted toward the rejecting parent.  They believe that the rejecting parent did not love or want them, and experience severe guilt of not being worthy to be loved as it relates to parent betrayal. Their depression is rooted in feelings of being unloved by one or both parents and being separated from them. Alienated children typically have conflicted or distant relationships with the alienating parent also, and are at high risk of becoming alienated from their own children and self.  Research reports that fully half of the respondents in the study of adult children who had experienced alienation as children were alienated from their own children. Contrary to popular belief, the effects of a father’s rejection of a child can have a more adverse effect on the child’s psychological development as rejection by the mother.  Men are the head of the family (But there is one thing I want you to know: The head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God, 1 Corinthians 11:3) and must show love to their children and must show the mother the same love. Three neurological studies (studies of the physical brain) suggest that parental rejection activates the same part of the brain which is activated by the experience of physical pain. Both physical and emotional are traumas and have long term effects on our physical and emotional (soul) health.

What are the long-term effects of parental rejection?

It goes without saying that both a mother’s and father’s acceptance of, and love for their child is of paramount importance in relation to the following few examples; how the child’s personality develops; their self-image; – their self-esteem; – how they learn to relate to others.

Whether intentional or not, the effect on a child who is rejected by one parent or both can be devastating. The result is often low self-esteem, chronic self-doubt, and depression.  The impact lasts well into adulthood. “How can a child expect anyone else to ever love them if even my own parents don’t love me?” How can a child love themselves if the parent does not show and teach them love?

When the caretaking is assumed by friends and relatives who explain that it’s not that their parent doesn’t love them, they just don’t know how, the children have a way to at least try to understand that the rejection isn’t personal even though it’s very, very painful and very, very personal to them. Hopefully, with good treatment and support, the parent is eventually able to once again open their heart and arms to their child. Children being children (even as adults), they are often able to forgive and accept only if love is restored

Rejection can take on many subtle forms and when it is left unattended, can wreak havoc on a person’s emotions (soul): Not hugging your child.  Not telling your child you love them.  Not showing interest in what makes your child tick. Not being a part of their life. Not saying these simple words, “I love you.”  Biting sarcasm, criticism, accusations, and judging have a profound effect on them.

Perception is reality.  This is a reality for both our children and ourselves. If we define a situation as real, it becomes real in its consequences.  If your children perceive you are rejecting them, they will believe it and suffer. It’s self-fulfilling rejection (feeling unloved). Rejection and unloving become one with the child.  It’s an awful thing that keeps a child in bondage.   If a child perceives himself rejected by her parent and family then they will inevitably have self-worth issues, self-rejection, self-hatred, and self-bitterness. If they think they have little value, they will act in a way that causes others to walk on them. They will do destructive things to themselves and others.

They won’t stand up for themselves, they won’t put themselves out there, and others will perceive this and treat them accordingly. We will all experience continuous rejection in life, and hopefully we’ll go through it in a way to make us stronger in character, but it is very difficult if we don’t receive the love we deserve.  

The unloving spirit leaves a void in their lives that children need filled.  They most often fill that void and emptiness with destructive activities such as addictions and constant fear.  The unloving spirit is a fear and it brings depression, Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, but a food word makes it glad Proverbs 12:25.  Kind and loving words from a parent makes their heart glad and at peace. The parents Godly love will cast out all fear because God’s love has no fear (There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love 1John 4:18). Understand, it is not our love, but God’s love that we convey to our children.  Children simply want their broken heart to be healed so that they are not in fear of not being loved and rejected.

We don’t want our children to develop an identity of rejection early on that will make life harder for them and others they are associated with.  Especially, other family members like siblings and grandparents. Grandparents play a big role in a rejected child’s life when the parents do not accept the responsibility of a loving parent.  More and more, grandparents are having to stand in the gap for a rejected child. It may require the grandparents to raise the children whom the parents have abandoned. Unfortunately, the parents don’t have a clue to what sacrifices grandparents make.  They tend to ignore what the grandparents do for their kids as they live their lives separate from their kids and grandparents. The children need their parents love more than they need their grandparents, because grandparents are not their mother and father and it is difficult for the grandparents to take the place of the parent’s love.

We don’t want our children’s personalities to develop around their fear of rejection by a father,  And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord, Ephesians 6:4. Do not bring wrath into their lives, Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged Colossians 3:21. We do need to assure our children that we love them and accept them as they are. And we should assure them often with the spoken words, “I love you.” We don’t have to be perfect. We don’t have to be happy and cheerful all the time. We don’t have to never lose our temper or always have hours available for our kids. We just need to be around, emotionally available, and free with our feelings of love and praise. Parents must bring up their kids as God says: Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it Proverbs 22:6.  Train them up with God’s love.

To make our children feel accepted we simply need to purposefully talk to them, listen to them, discern what is in their hearts, take them seriously, make time for them, and be genuine and available.

No one is perfect and we don’t need to pretend to be perfect for our children. The essence of acceptance is that children feel they are loved based on their position as your child, not on their performance. Acceptance is based on your actions as parents.  There are no excuses for parents who don’t show love to their children. NONE!

Children are precious to God. God makes it clear, through the Bible, that we are to love, respect and care for children, bringing them up to become the adults God intends them to be.

Psalm 127:3-5 Behold, children are a heritage (inheritance) from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So, are the children of one’s youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them; They shall not be ashamed, but shall speak with their enemies in the gate. This section must be taken spiritually as well as biologically in light of NT revelation.  A man’s offspring would join in his defense (character) in the city’s gate, the place disputes were addressed.

Mark 10:13-16 Then they brought little children to Him, that He might touch them; but the disciples rebuked those who brought them. But when Jesus saw it, He was greatly displeased and said to them, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of God. Assuredly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it.” And He took them up in His arms, laid His hands on them, and blessed them.

Conclusion

This teaching applies to children, parents, grandparents and past generations who failed to love their children or did not receive love from their parents. We have no other choice but to reverse this iniquity of the generations by simple showing and declaring God’s perfect love to their children, (Keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, by no means clearing the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children and the children’s children to the third and the fourth generation.” Exodus 34:7

We must understand what God commands us to do no matter what our parents have done to us:

Ephesians 6:1-4 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise: “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.” And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.

We can only honor a rejecting parent by forgiving them, Mark 11:25 “And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.

We need to show compassion for our parents because they were not taught God’s love by their parents and their parents, parents and….  Then Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do” Luke 23:34.  Our parents just did not know.

May you all receive God’s perfect love through your mother and father, Tony Sanchez