Greetings,
I try to keep articles to one page, but I’ve had trouble
with this lately. Why do I try to keep them short? Because people
are less apt to read a longer article. Too much Face Book and Twitter, I
guess. Also, forgive me in advance for any typos.
This article impacts every family to some degree. My
intent is to bring visibility as to why families are so dysfunctional. It
is my opinion that this subject matter should be taught to the church, men’s
groups, bible studies, marriage counseling, young couples, and pre-marriage
classes.
The Responsibility of the Father and
Husband in the Family – Tony Sanchez 2-26-16
The greatest
commandment in Scripture is this: “Love the LORD your God with all your
heart and with all your soul and with all your strength” (Deuteronomy 6:5).
Going back to verse 2, we read, “So that you, your children and their
children after them may fear the LORD your God as long as you live by keeping
all his decrees and commands that I give you, and so that you may enjoy long
life.” Following Deuteronomy 6:5, we read, “These commandments
that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your
children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the
road, when you lie down and when you get up” (v. 6-7). As earthly
fathers, we must convey the greatest commandment to our wives and children, and
neighbors.
Israelite
history reveals that the father was to be diligent in instructing his children
in the ways and words of the Lord for their own spiritual development and
well-being. The father who was obedient to the commands of Scripture did just
that. This brings us to Proverbs 22:6, “Train a child in the way he should
go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” To “train”
indicates the first instructions that a father and mother give to a child. The
training is designed to make clear to children the manner of life they are intended
for. Ephesians 6:4 is a summary of instructions to the father, stated in both a negative and positive way. “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” The negative part of this verse indicates that a father is not to foster negativity in his children by severity, injustice, partiality, or unreasonable exercise of authority. Harsh, unreasonable conduct towards a child will only serve to nurture evil in the heart. The word “provoke” means “to irritate, exasperate, rub the wrong way, or incite.” This is done by a wrong spirit and wrong methods—severity, unreasonableness, sternness, harshness, cruel demands, needless restrictions, and selfish insistence upon dictatorial authority. Such provocation will produce adverse reactions, deadening children’s affection, causing rejection, reducing their desire for holiness, and making them feel that they cannot possibly please their parents. A wise parent seeks to make obedience desirable and attainable by love and gentleness.
The positive part of Ephesians 6:4 is expressed in a comprehensive direction—educate them, bring them up, develop their conduct in all of life by the instruction and admonition of the Lord. This is the whole process of educating and discipline. The word “admonition” (warn gently) carries the idea of reminding the child of faults (constructively) and duties (responsibilities). We must discipline our children with love rather than wrath.
The majority of the people we minister to are in deep rejection, feel unloved, and feel abandoned. Most have never had their earthly father say these simple words, “I Love You.” My dad died without every telling me “I love You son
Survey: How many men/women don’t remember your earthy farther saying “I love you” or if he did, you did not believe him because of the lack of emotion he exhibited or by how mean he treated you? Hundreds of surveys conducted by Be In Health ministry show over 90% of the people raised their hands when asked this question. Many have said “I know he loved me.” But we need more. We need to verbally hear it from his mouth.
The spiritual
head of the family should represent Father God to our wife and children.
We are to think, speak, act, as God has intended us to do as spiritual head of
the family. Unfortunately, we have fallen short. No excuses,
but many of us have not had a father who represented God the Father and His
love. We haven’t had a good example.
Most of us may
have known our earthly father to be on a throne with lightning bolts in his
hand looking to pounce on us at every opportunity and not knowing what kind of
mood he is in or not knowing what he is going to do next. He brought
ungodly fear to us from his throne and this is what we as fathers learned. Many
have experienced the wrath of a mother as well, but that is a subject for a
different article.
Within that
structure there is also, "Performance Orientation" which is an
American trait of do good - get good, do bad -get bad. It starts at an
early age teaching a child if they respond the way mommy or daddy wants they
get rewarded. Performance based lives lead to rebellion, hate and
unhealthy life styles. This is not what God wants us to feel. He wanted
us to feel safe and secure and not crushed by our earthy fathers. Proverbs
15:13(NLT) A glad heart makes a happy face; a broken heart crushes the
spirit. Can we fathom how much damage we have done to our wife and
children?
God does not
want us to fear and worry about punishment. 1 John 4:18(NLT) Such love
has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for
fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his
perfect love.
Our culture has
fallen short on how to represent our Heavenly Father to our wives and children.
1
Corinthians 11:3 But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ,
the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. This is
Godly order. The head of every man is Jesus Christ and we should present
ourselves to our family as Jesus Christ has presented Himself to us. The
first words to our wives and children every morning should be “I love
you. You are a good wife/son/daughter.” You don’t want to be known
as one who is always angry and brings fear because fear causes depression.
Proverbs 15:13 Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression.
What kind of
character as a husband and father do you have? As Coach Bill McCartney
said, “Look at the countenance of your wife’s face and it will tell you
much.” Look at the countenance of your children’s face. Do you
bring fear and torment or do you bring love? Proverbs 20:7 The
righteous man walks in his integrity; His children are blessed after him. Hosea
4:6 My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge. Because you have
rejected knowledge, I also will reject you from being priest for Me; Because
you have forgotten the law of your God, I also will forget your children.
You must love
your wife and children as God instructs. Matthew 22:37-40 Jesus said
to him, “You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your
soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the
second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor (wife/ children) as
yourself.’ On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”
The order of
the home should be God the Father in all that we do. John 14:28 Philip
said to Him, “Lord, show us the Father, and it is sufficient for us.”
They need to feel the love of God through us. We are not to bring wrath
to our wives, kids, or anyone else.
Isaiah
1:16-17 “Wash yourselves, make yourselves clean; Put away the evil of your
doings from before My eyes. Cease to do evil, learn to do good;
Seek justice, Rebuke the oppressor; Defend the fatherless, Plead for the
widow. Who are the fatherless? Fathers, who have died. Absent
fathers due to divorce, work, TV, internet, hobbies, or lack of
involvement. Fathers who have deserted their children or wives (could be
called widowed wives even though the husband is alive). Wives and
children desperately need a loving husband and father in their lives
fulltime. Our prisons are full of men because they did not have a father that represented God the Father in heaven. I want to share a prison story with you about a greeting card company who wanted to get involved helping prisoners send Mother’s Day cards. The announcement went out to the prisoners. They just simply had to address the cards and the card company would send the cards. 100% of the inmates participated. It was very successful. The Mother’s Day cards worked out so good they decided to do the same for Father’s Day. Unfortunately, when Father’s Day cards were announced, not one prisoner participated.
This story shows us what is lacking in the lives of these prisoners; an earthly father that represents our God in heaven. They have not received the love of their father, the comfort the father brings, and the example needed to be a father to their children. They have received rejection, abandonment, and an unloving spirit from their fathers. They have bitterness and un-forgiveness. There is a breech and it has to be repaired so they can know the love of the father and for healing.
It also shows
you how the Mothers have become the head of the family. Mothers should
not be the matriarch of the family. God set up man as the patriarch or
head over the family. Fathers and husbands are the ones who are called to
represent God as the father to his family just as if it were God Himself.
Stats: When the mother is the spiritual head of the family, 19% of the
children will become believers. It increases to over 90% when the man is
the spiritual head of the family.
This is a story
of a father and his son. The father was not taught how to be a loving father
and as result, there was a deep breech. The son had become angry and had
become ungrateful, did not honor his mother/father, and he constantly slandered
his father. As a result, the father did not speak to the son for quite a
long time. The breech between the father and son had to be repaired. So,
every morning the father would text him, “Good morning son, I love you.”
He texted every morning and two weeks later the son called the father.
The relationship had been healed to a point that they began to communicate
again. Proverbs 10:12 Hatred stirs up quarrels, but love makes up for
all offenses. Ultimately, it was not the son’s fault. It was
the fathers fault for not bringing him up in the ways of the Lord. Repair
the breach that you have with your children. With your wife. Get on
your knees and ask God to forgive you. Ask your wife to forgive
you. Ask you children to forgive you. Isaiah 58:12 ……You shall
raise up the foundations of many generations; And you shall be called the
Repairer of the Breach, The Restorer of Streets to Dwell In.
The Christian
father is really an instrument in God's hand. The whole process of instruction
and discipline must be that which God commands and which He administers, so that
His authority should be brought into constant and immediate contact with the
mind, heart, and conscience of the wife and children. The human father should
never present himself as the ultimate authority to determine truth and duty. It
is only by making God the teacher and ruler on whose authority everything is
done that the goals of education can best be attained.
Ephesians
1:17 that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give to
you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him,
Prayer:
Father God, we ask you to give us knowledge, wisdom and the strength to
represent You as fathers and husbands to our families. To verbally confess our
love to our wives. To verbally confess our love to our children in the
womb, when they are born, and throughout their lives in Jesus name.
The
following are basic principles of Godly Order- There
is an order in Creation: the head of the woman is the man, the head of the
man is Jesus Christ and the head of Jesus Christ is God the Father (1
Corinthians 11:3 But I want you to know that the head of every man is
Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is
God).
- We
also see in the Word that we are created in Their image (Genesis 1:26
Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness;
let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the
air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping thing
that creeps on the earth.”); therefore, the Godhead also has an order.
- The
order and relationship in the Godhead might be summed up as: God the
Father thought it, God the Word/Jesus said it and the Holy Spirit does it.
- There
is an order for marriages according to Scriptures. I listed 1
Corinthians 11:3 above but there are many other passages describing
how spouses ought to get along according to God, such as Ephesians 5
& Colossians 3.
- There
may be many learned patterns of thought in our relationships but they may
not represent God's Word or His order.
- Common
sayings such as "if momma isn't happy, no one is happy" may
indicate a passive man and a woman who has had to take control of the
house. Many times the father defaults to the women as head of the
family which causes confusion to the children.
- Another
example would be men being the head over women in a harsh and domineering
manner and controlling the children in the family.
- Although
there is an order and difference between the roles for husband and wife,
they are equals in marriage.
- The
Word teaches that women are not lesser or inferior. They are equal
partakers and partners in the marriage (Colossians 1:12 giving
thanks to the Father who has qualified us to be partakers of the
inheritance of the saints in the light, & Galatians 3:28 There is
neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither
male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus).
- Scripture
shows that men and women in marriage are to become one and therefore, are
to interact and cooperate in unity (Genesis 2:23 And Adam said: “This is
now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” & Matthew 19:5 and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?). - A
practical example of Godly order is a husband and wife discussing ideas
and talking things through for the purpose of coming into agreement one
with another and into alignment with the Word of God. The children
must understand that the father ultimately has the final say in most of
the important decisions.
- Jesus
submitting to the will of the Father is a great Scriptural example of
order in the Godhead (John 5:19 Then Jesus answered and said to them,
“Most assuredly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of Himself, but what
He sees the Father do; for whatever He does, the Son also does in like
manner.).
Father's
Love - Ministry Prayer
A man chooses
to stand in the gap for the failure of the earthly father. He stands before the
person, either male or female, and offers the following prayer of ministry to
them:
On behalf of
a father that did not, could not, would not or maybe just did not know how to
tell you he loved you, I, your brother ________ (name) will take responsibility
for your heart this night.
On behalf of
that father, will you forgive me for not telling you that I love you? I am so
sorry for the silence, for what has injured you and confused you and left you
stranded on the inside when you needed your father so much.
In the name of
the Lord Jesus Christ I release you from this fear of rejection and confusion.
Now this day
you are going to hear these words for your heart. (maintain eye contact)
1. I love you.
2. I am glad
you were born.
3. I am proud
of you.
4. You are a
good daughter/son.
Hug:
When you are
hugging the person, allow them to decide when they want you to release them.
Don't pray or pat someone on the back, just hold them. Give the person an A
frame hug rather than a full body hug.
If someone
feels a need for a similar ministry regarding a mother, the mother's love
ministry is simply the Father's love as spoken by the mother. God is more than
capable of reaching someone with the love of the mother. Simply replace the
word father with mother.
Blessings,
Tony
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